I honestly have no qualms about being a part of someone’s life. I also have no qualms about succinctly and efficiently dropping people from my life. Maybe I’m a cynic, but I believe that only a handful of people are meant to stick with you throughout your life, and the rest will either be lost due to conflict or just separate by time and distance. None of this makes me sad, because everyone changes, and with these changes comes the implication that friends will change based on interests and opinions and at the simplest level, location. Some people are meant to be in your life briefly so you both can grow through friendship. Some people are meant to be there forever.
It’s easy to tell when someone is generally a negative person. It’s also easy to tell the attitude and maturity of people through their actions toward you, whether friends or not. When these two factors combine to create an unpleasant situation for an extended period of time, then you know what type of friend you had.
you don’t get a positive mind from having positive things happen to you; you have positive things happen to you because you have a positive mind.
you put positive energy into the world and it will slowly find its way back to you in a new form.
(Source: bunnybows)
you can be easily affronted and waste your life waiting for apologies because you think you deserve them
you can apologize profusely and waste your breath
you can never apologize and lose everyone in the process
I guess I don’t know what I believe in anymore. I believe in God but not a God who is partial to people who follow his rules or a god who sets down rules but just instills us with nature and natural instinct and if we all just flowed as the tides and seasons and winds, everyone would be better off. Nature is the ultimate perfection. There is not one thing wrong in nature, not one mistake. I believe in nature and mother earth and I believe that a God can be found through living in our most natural state. I don’t believe in a God who says that a person is wrong because of who he loves or what he does. I believe in love and that love is an omnipresent spirit, so maybe love is god? Spirituality is sending good thoughts and hopes and vibes to each other, whether through prayer or a nice word or an embrace. I felt too bogged down by religion and the church and ever since I’ve left, I feel more real than ever. Religion or lack of religion or your belief system or whatever you want to call it is something that sets you free and the second you feel bound then it has lost its sanctity.
That’s why I believe in nature. Nature is free. Nature is perfect.
Reading the Tao of Pooh has completely changed my life.
Last year if this past week had happened to me, I would have been helpless on the floor of my shower unable to breathe caught up in complete anxiety and utterly useless. Now, I took all of it in stride and I am still moving on and just doing what feels right instead of thinking about what I should do that would be right. Getting kicked out sucked, but standing up to my mom rocked and now I think she finally respects me.
I’m outside a lot. I’m skating a lot. I’m breathing a lot. I’m doing what feels right.
Sometimes I think about the revelations people get from really good acid trips and how people come out enlightened, or at least more aware. They talk about their inner eye finally being opened. I don’t know what that’s like, but just reading a 200 page book about philosophy has me feeling completely different. I feel like everything makes sense, and everything fits together if you just don’t struggle and let things take place. I feel like the spaces of my toes when they are full of earth and everything is natural and taking its course.
I don’t even care about a class gift anymore because all of the ideas are meaningless and don’t hold emotional weight and I think the issue is that people who don’t know how to give gifts make up for the shallowness of the gift in the quantity of the gift.
You know when people over dramatize their lives by saying “ugh my life sucks slit my wrists” or “got in a fight with my parents and they cut me off” or “my parents don’t support who I am so they are probably going to kick me out uggh”?
Have fun living your sheltered lives where you can joke about these sort of things that are my reality.
Have fun complaining about other people getting scholarships when you didn’t when you have family dinners and they don’t even know their parents.
Have fun being an asshole who probably doesn’t deserve half the shit you have.
You learn quick that people aren’t just replaceable. There’s a hole in your life that you’re trying to replace, and I caught you sizing different people up, measuring them, weighing them, listening to the trills of their laughs, but you’ll just end up disappointed. People sink into your heart like shoe prints into concrete and once it’s there, you can’t do anything about it. You can buy a new shoe, same brand same color, but you’ll never match the wear on the soles. You can try to patch it up but new concrete never sets the same exact shade or level as the original.
I’d leave the hole there, if I were you. You’ll end up disappointed either way.
How can you live trapped in a marred body masked to fit what you think you should be instead of who you are? And how can your brain maintain its livelihood when your thoughts do not delve into the visceral nor intellectual punctuated only by bouts of meaningless promiscuity and drug induced comas
Is your life anything but a coma? A nightmare that we all experience by mere
contact with your brainless wandering and soulless blabber?
You do not suffer but we all suffer for you and instead of you and your unfortunate countenance that is nothing but a mangled semi on the highway that we can’t seem to peel our eyes away from
Stagnation is not as simple as sitting on your sofa smoking a cigarette: it’s your soul’s suicide suppressed through a sad smile and swirls of smoke vanishing into thin air
I wonder what my self esteem and idea of beauty would be like if I had grown up in a place with a larger population of Asians because I’ve grown up with an understanding of what Americans/Caucasians see as pretty and beautiful and I have always known that I can’t and will never have fair skin and light hair and freckles and light coloured eyes which means that I will never look like all the girls that are generally considered beautiful, nor will I ever have those traits. Maybe growing up in an area with stronger Asian roots and influence would make me hate myself, though, because I will also never be petite or pale skinned or have pin straight hair. What if I grew up in an Italian culture? I don’t know anything about Italy or their expectations for beauty but would I fit their definition of beautiful more than I do here?
I don’t look American, I don’t look Taiwanese, I don’t look Italian: all three are reflected in my physical presence. So what standards of beauty apply to me? I’m a mutt, barely exotic, if that.
The Caucasian race is changing so much and I wonder how interracial children will redefine what is considered beautiful in the States, and if the ideas of beauty in other countries will change as well?
Sometimes I hate myself for getting caught in the trap of living with hate in my heart and a lot of the time I hate the situation you created by involving me with such a hateful person but mostly I hate myself for turning into the same sort of shitty person on the inside that I have always despised.
some days time moves so slow and i am started by my lungs begging for air when my breathing lapses and i realize that i’ve been laying in bed crying for only a few minutes when the clenched tightness of my chest feels like it’s existed for years and books are done before i turn a page and i’m ready for bed at 6 pm.
I have so many things that I want out of my life that I don’t understand how people become complacent and settle where they are when they know that the entire world is out there.
what’s left for me?
what’s left of me?
Anyone who goes out of their way to make someone feel bad about themselves deserves a nice punch on the mouth. Mean people just suck in general.
(via ya-ok)
